Like Sea She Brings about Vertigo

Three languages create such a mess inside of one soul; each tongue wants to prevail, to seduce a trilingual me. Nevertheless, resisting temptation, I end up struggling with the toughest of them: English. Tough for me for the language has invaded me in a late age like all folks in Francophone countries; tough for me because English has always been strange, alien to Me. I like struggling with the toughest. When I think the language has seduced me ever since a woman seduced me, I tell myself that I am just crazy. English tamed the person; English penetrated my soul the day a woman penetrated my heart.

Struggling with three languages to end up jammed within the Shakespearean tongue is like resisting the temptation of three exhilarating and tempting women to end up locked in the arms of just one. I do not regret the two other ladies, tempting as they are. I have always been in the quest of one shelter, one woman, one love, an eternal one and only love.

Hia (هي), she in Arabic, pronounced like a brief sigh, pronounced like if you are groaning and releasing air, desire, lust and fatigue. Elle, she in French, pronounced with almost the same release of air, desire but there is the tenderness of the “L” letter. She, in English, pronounced with almost the same release of air, desire, Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, she, I love her unbeknownst to others, shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, she, we do not tell of our love.

I was standing on the beach one night; darkness was my sole cover. The sea, la mer, la mère, I approached; my feet felt the cold water; the waves rushed to stroke my skin so I pressed forward; my body was immersed in water; I felt the cold hitting my bones; I searched for the stars in the firmament; none was glittering in the absolute obscurity. I was unseen to their eyes but existing and bathing in waters, like the first days, like the day when I was in her womb, like the day when they could not know about my name, my gender, my countenance, like the day when I existed but away from their gazes and judgements. The cold water, all around, was carrying away a buoyant body of a woman inside a woman. The cold changed into a fiery heat as it touched me. The whistling wind stopped, a moment of silent, then a yell of pleasure, also a yell of pain; I was born a body shivering with orgasm, enjoyment and satisfaction and floating over the waters, the waves. Minutes later, I left the sea, I left her womb, I left her arms to get back to the outside, back to the cold again, back to the curious, spying gazes, back to appellations, judgements, back to the solid and firm ground, back to the stone world.

I love the sea, the sound of waves, the motion and dance of waters. I love her my love to the deep, a love that transgresses me, the borders, the tongues, and the continents, a love that submerges them and their world like a tsunami ravaging lands. I love her for the softness, for the tenderness, for the warmth, for the care, for the affection, for the attention, and for the delicateness. I love her for the first kiss she gifted to a baby and I will love her for the last kiss she would give to a grown-up childlike woman. I love her for her body forms, which resemble the shapes of waves, round, circular, spherical, bending, resilient, floppy, and flaccid. Like sea she brings about vertigo; I feel dizziness swallowing my mind, and my heart; she is whirlpool of desires, a vagina opening like a vortex of lust to absorb me; a sweet seasickness, she is, an undersea tunnel obscure and mysterious feeding me with pleasure.

To love a woman, to sail from the first letter of her name to the last, to travel oceans, to cross seas, to drown, to die in her, to depart to end up reaching but her shore, the circularity, the open-endedness, the story that never ends, the love that never ends, the aquatic beginning that meets the aquatic end, the profound eternity in her arms. Kif-Kif, the same we are; I see me in her; I see her in me; I love me in her, I love her in me, I feel me in her; I feel her in me; the same we are, we are Kif-Kif, the same person, the same pleasure, the same pain, the same bliss, all is Kif-Kif as two become one.

-Faithinlove-